Breaking up from a long-term relationship is tough everyone. Not just you and your ex-partner, but also your friends, family – and especially, if you have them, your children. One thing most relationship experts will always tell you is the best way to deal with it is to make the break as clean as possible. But, given that it is a lot easier said than done, how are you going to go about it?
In this guide, we’re going to help you iron out as many of the creases as possible. It’s going to be tough, for sure. However, these tips should help you get through the worst that can happen. Let’s get started with the most difficult situations.
Abuse and violence
First of all, if your partner is abusive or violent towards you or your children, seek out legal and professional advice as soon as you can. And, of course, get out of your situation as quickly as you possibly can. Look at HelpGuide.org to find out what help is available to you if you are a woman, or if you are a man.
One of the biggest decisions you’re going to have to make is what to do with your housing arrangements. Either one of you is going to have to move out, or you are going to make the decision to sell up or get out of your tenancy agreement.
If you have bought a house together, it can, naturally, cause some conflict. In many cases, you will be better off finding home buyers that are going to pay you what you need as soon as possible. If you are renting and want to make a clean break, then paying up what you owe for the remaining rent on your contract is an obvious answer. But, if you explain your situation with your landlord, they may well find a tenant to replace you and let you off the rest of your contract.
The key to a clean break is to move out as fast as you can – if you hang around for weeks or months after you have split up, it’s going to cause many problems.
Friends and family
If you have been with someone for many years, there are going to be consequences for both of your families, and your mutual friends. You will have made many relationships with as a couple, and may be fond of your partner’s relatives.
Unfortunately, this can be one of the toughest things to deal with. You might have to make the decision to stop contact with some of those people that you have developed relationships with. It could take six months, or it could take a year, at least. It’s going to cause problems for you and your partner, and at some point there will be division amongst the friends you both have. And, possibly, pressure from your partner’s family to reconsider your position.
The thing is – it’s not their life, it’s yours. And you don’t have to play by anyone else’s rules, no matter how hard it might be for you. Clean breaks are hard to achieve for this exact reason, and you will face a lot of emotional periods when you miss your partner. If you are still hanging around in the same social circles, that’s just going to make it tougher for you.